I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
