I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
