How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drake has all the answers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
