I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
