I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
