My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
