turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
