It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
