She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
