Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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