i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
