is your mom at the bar?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
