Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize