Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just cut my nipple shaving
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
