Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
