its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
