Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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