you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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