is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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