Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
