I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
