How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
