I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize