how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
