I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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