So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
