I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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