So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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