i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
