you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize