just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
