Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
