he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My life is pants optional.
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