Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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