Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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