Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need moral support for this bender
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize