a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
50% drunk capacity currently
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
