the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
