I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
