they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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