false alarm. still invincible.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
