just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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