I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
