what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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