I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
