my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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