he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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