I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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