And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
