I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
