She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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