Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
