Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
