So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
