I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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