Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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