Me too!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well I just put wine in my tea
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
