the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
