You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
