I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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